im so tired.LOL.

just got back from sch just about an hr ago, had trials for the freshies.

went very smoothly with coach, and i'm glad this year's intake seem quite enthu about everything.
it was fun talkin to the rest on the train ride home, lol. the joke about me asking you hui, "eh where you live ah" 4 times will be used against me whenever possible!
lol i had no idea that i asked so many times leh, i was too tired and spaced out already.
yawn.

oh, and i had the sweetest dream last night. i didn't know whether to smile or cry when i woke up really. but still, it was very good.
dreamt that we just talked and stuff, shall not elaborate, LOL.

i realised some people go into relationships for physical intimacy, i guess it's up to the other party whether he/she should succumb to the other's demands.
i heard about my fren calling this girl a slut, because she two-timed his fren, whom the girl also slept with. does two-timing deserve to be branded a slut?
he even said she sleeps around,without evidence of course, just cos she two-timed his fren doesn necessarily mean she slept with the other guy right?
i think it's ridiculous to actually put ppl down for this kind of behaviour. and i think it's wrong for that girl's then bf to tell all his frens that they slept together.
hm, so when a girl steps into 2 boats, she's a slut.
but when a guy actually does sleep around, nobody gives a shit? sometimes i feel that some guys are even proud to be deemed playboys, and they broadcast their sexcapades around, even when the girl is their fren's fren or something.
what's happening in this world nowadays.

oh, and i just remembered this incident which happened long long time ago.
some guy who was pissed that we broke up went to tell his friends that we slept together and stuff, revenge larh that kinda shit. which is absolutely not true.
oh, and the worst thing was when he broadcasted on some main channel in IRC about the girl he likes who was ignoring him bcos he slept with me? that's crap, really.

haha. and he backstabbed me like dunno how many times la.
and then now he denies everything, every single thing. he claims he never did them or that he forgot about it. how utterly convenient.
and when ppl lie, gosh. i can see right through them.
sadly.

oh but wait! i know alot of really nice guys out there too.
as in, really really nice, good bf material kinda guy.
alot of girls would retort back, "where got la"
i say to them, "just open ur eyes a bit more, you will see it."
a lot of good-looking guys are big-time flirts, so please don't consider looks as a huge factor.
unless he's a SNAG and a good-looking one at that, well, that's great! lol.

i like to feel appreciated, and i like to feel that i matter a lot to him.
i like guys with a sense of humour, sarcastic and dry humour is the best, and the chemistry must be evident. felt by both parties.
i loike. :)

shit, i'm thinkin about u again!

grey's anatomy last night was good, as always.

meredith moped around so much i never knew anyone could actually act so damn well.
my favourite song was part of the soundtrack last night.
KT Tunstall's Other Side Of The World.

haha. i read through reviews and summaries of the show, so i absolutely knew the song was gonna be on it!

i would have killed myself if i failed to catch yesterday's episode.

oh but anyway season 2's ending in US so i'll probably get in on dvd very soon, i hope.
-crosses fingers-

Shane was a "pregnant" male patient, which caused him to be an exhibit for tons of people.
same situation with meredith. everyone was whispering and putting her down for dating an attending. but she got some sympathy here and there. "poor girl, she has to work here"

i think addison and mcdreamy are totally wrong for each other.
the attempted hand-holding during the counselling? both times failed, tsk.
and how mcdreamy always wanted to talk to meredith showed how he felt towards her.
and her stolen glances towards him,her hopeful gaze...

but oh well, mcdreamy and meredith will not get together yet, not yet.
this show has a lot of spunk involving addison.
hard to hate, yet hard to like at the same time.
one heck of a show, kudos!

oh, and i tink bailey's growing on me, really.
her short speech to mcdreamy when he wanted to walk towards meredith, direct yet not cutting at all. proved her point that she wanted to protect her interns, even if it meant that she had to face up to attendings.
the look on mcdreamy's face after that, sigh. looked like a lost little puppy, yet ruggedly handsome all the same...LOL. :)

(About Meredith)
Bailey: Turn around, walk away.
Derek: From what?
Bailey: From my intern.
Derek: But I wasn't--
Bailey: Yes, you were. Look, look, look, you can't do this, you don't have the right. Not anymore.
Derek: I just wanna find out if she's okay.
Bailey: She's not. She's a human traffic accident and everybody is slowing down to look at the wreckage. She's doing the best she can with what she has left. Look I know you can't see this because you're in it. But you can't help her now, it'll only make it worse. Now walk away and leave her to mend.

sad right.
im officially addicted to Grey's Anatomy, seriously.
OMG AND THAT SIZZLING KISS ALEX GAVE IZZY?
excellent. i think the wheelchair girl's really cute too.

Oh, I shouldn't care or wonder where and how you are
But I can't hide this hurt inside my broken heart
I'm fightin back emotions that I'e never fought before
Cause I'm not supposed to love you anymore

i got back from kh's chalet yesterday, and it was just so much fun!
we laughed til our sides hurt,really.
i learnt this new game called "in between" and the guys reactions are so damn funny!
and i went for weilian's concert on sat night too.
he sounds much much much better live than on tv actually.
very very touching.and saw tons of celebrities there too.
i think joi chua is really good. i love her soothing tone. calming.
oh and anyway, my timetable sucks. LOL.

i realised that letting go of someone who has disappointed you before is much easier than letting go of someone who has done you no wrong. but sometimes, we love that person even after all that. it's really crazy sometimes. unfathomable.

on a sidenote, i hate hurting ppl who matter to me. im sorry i'm not able to give him what he's giving me, i just can't. it's not something which i can explain why. and stop trying so hard, cos you know that it won't help. you're not him. period. sorry.
and stop getting all clingy and whiny on me. i don't take this kinda shit.


time heals all wounds.crap.

i sent this to yx n hy the other day,

i hate it when you know that no matter how much you love him, it's still not enough.. it's never enough, sadly.


another 6 long months..

you know, ppl always say that you shouldn't regret what you've said or done,
but how would you know whether you would before you do it?
for me, i don't even know whether i regret not talking about it before he left.
but maybe i would be glad that i kept things the way they were..

who really knows? who can tell, really.

sad.that's why ppl do not make promises..fate has a way of changing, just when you don't want it to.

nver got around to talking about us.
i don't know whether i was just super damn ball-less or i just wanted to keep things the way they were. it wasn't much, but i was contented with whatever i had.

i talked to jamie on tues, and he told me something about myself. he said i'm just afraid of his response if i spill everything. that's true. what you don't know can't hurt you.
but this feeling, you know, when you ponder and think about what the response might actually be, is totally sucky. it's like a friggin lose-lose situation.

i told him "i can safely say that i love him, that i honestly still do love him" with a faraway look on my face. i shrugged and got a whole lot of comfort. thank you so much.
thank you for listening, for just being there.

haha. maybe one day, i will think of him, think of us, and not have this particular feeling within me anymore. til then, i'll just let things go naturally, and of course til then, it's still the same.

anyway, MCDREAMY! lol. :)

- Okay... here it is. Your choice, it's simple her or me. And I'm sure she's really great. But, Derek, I love you... in a really, really big... pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me. I'll be at Joe's tonight, so if you do decide to sign the papers... meet me there. -

meredith to mcdreamy.

- Derek: She asked me to tell you...She wanted you to know, that if love were enough...that if love were enough, that she'd still be here with you.

time to get the DVDS! haahah.

im a complete fan honestly. mcdreamy's so damn hot larhhh.

it's official. dr mcdreamy is....heh.
for all those who have no idea whatsoever abt mcdreamy, watch Grey's Anatomy on Mondays at 11pm chan 5. really good show.

i cried when mcdreamy chose addison over meredith,really. but that's what keeps the show going on.he chose her cos she's his wife afterall, but you see the hurt that meredith's keeping inside. her blank stares, glassy eyes, tearful yet maintaining her strong facade. she's so very much in love with him still.
damn sad episode larh. and when the 2 ppl impaled on the pole were cracking bad jokes and stuff, it was so heartwrenching..
the part where mcdreamy breaks it to bonnie that she wont make it was so terribly sad..when tom says "it isn't fair.." then bonnie replies "it isn't fair both ways.."
oh gosh. george looked like he was gonna cry right there and then. and mcdreamy kept on swallowing his saliva. it was so hard.
and then the scene with bailey and mcdreamy in the lift, he was teary and bailey stopped the lift to give him a few moments to himself. and he started crying. then he stopped. doesn't that mean something at least?

doctor mcdreamy, indeed.

mcdreamy: She asked me to tell you...She wanted you to know, that if love were enough...that if love were enough, that she'd still be here with you..

oh myy. so bittersweet.

it seems that i cant cry enough for you, nothing's ever enough.

im still so in love with you, so very much in love with you...

love is simple, really.
people just tend to complicate it.

and now i smile whenever i think about you. :)

i read through a lot of posts just now, and i want to thank you for appreciating me for who i am.
i nver felt like i wasn't good enough for you, although ppl tink otherwise.
you accepted me for who i am, and that's very very important to me.
you never compared, and you gave me space to breathe while continuing to be a very impt part of my life.


thank you for making me happy with that effort,you might not know it but i guess it still matters so much to me that you care. it really really does.

and for that, i thank you from the bottom of my heart. :)

jus got back from mr gan's house for a round of dinner and mahjong!
looks like we're all addicted to it man.
it's so fun!
torked and luffed like no tomorrow really..
luff til got headache.LOL.

i dont know what to say to help you, really..
the chapter isn't closed til you decide to close it urself. :)
and until then, remember we'll be here for you..
just don't push us away or shrug us off, cus we really do care.

met him on tues, was pretty damn glad.
im happy he wanted to meet up, jus happy that he thought abt it even.
it was the same between us, can't describe it enough in words.
guess it changed my perception of certain stuff after she jacked me. got really upset about it.
i can't help my emotions, but she hit me where it hurts the most.

i want to see him happy, and if living the way he wants to makes him happy, so be it. :)
it was enough for me to see him, to hear his laughter, and to embrace him again...
we ate tiramisu and blackforest cake at bakerzin in paragon. it was pretty good actually, the blah blah blah cheese is fantastic! cant rmb what he told me the name of it was.
walked around, took a look at stuff he wanted to get, and headed for dinner in taka!
oh yes and i bought Crash vcd!
the oscar-winning movie which STOLE the award right under the nose of Ang Lee.
i was shocked, and i remember watching with my mouth wide open.
haha. i'm a sucker for these kinda stuff.

When minutes turn to days and years
If mountains fall, I'll still be here
Holding you until the day I die

inside ur heaven.

again...and again.

thank God i wouldn't be in Singapore on that day. thank God.

i wouldn't know what to do if i saw you there. i really wouldn't know.
i feel like i've been stabbed in the heart.twice.

when i heard it that day, i was speechless. and thank God for hy who sensed it and was there for me, comforting me, made me see that it wasn't such a big deal after all.

shit.SHIT.urgh.bloody headache.